Grains instead of leaves

In thinking about thought trees in our brains, I was drawn to the complexity of this seeding grass and its multiple elements.

thoughttreesgrass seeds

I have been suffering a deficiency of time. Lately I have noticed how impactful it is to be aware of abundance and scarcity. When there is a scarcity of time, I feel like I can't get enough accomplished. I reinforce the story I often tell that there is never enough.

I have been working for some months on retelling the story of Me not being enough, to Me being enough, being fine, being worthy. That doesn't mean I don't have work to do. It just means that I am of value and importance and can keep growing for living sake and not in some fruitless attempt to become worthy (especially of love).

I have grown much stronger lately seeing myself as abundant and important, but I seemed to repeat knocking myself away from other successes because I did not experience enough time. I am very aware of my odds of dying going up as I live longer. I was aware/very conscious of my mortality at a very young age and even more so aware of the tentativeness of health and the ability to enjoy life. So I wanted to rush everything in; all the shoulds and coulds and expectations from inside me and outside. And I told the story over and over that there couldn't possibly be enough time.

Today I am unraveling that thought at the roots and rebuilding it from a perspective of joy in life. A helpful part of being more present in one's life, of noticing especially the joys and wonders, the Aw moments, is building those thought trees in the brain that help grow more thought trees like that. And what happens is that when I am present and enjoying my life in my moments, I am not waiting to live. I am living my best life right now. And all of a sudden, there is enough time. There is an abundance of time. I am alive, here and now and making a conscious decision to enjoy what I am doing and do more of what I enjoy, and so there is no time lost, only time lived. There is a great abundance of time. 😀

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